Headless Villainess

A day in the (previous) life of body-sama

The truth of the severed head

There was a severed head in the park.

It seems to be a male in his early twenties. It is a severed head that is quite good-looking but has a kind of frivolous feel about it. I was returning home from high school and was cutting through a small park with nothing but a swing and a sandpit, but as if the sand pit was a gallows, a head was plopped there.

I stopped with my expression stiffening. It is already sufficiently shocking for there to be a severed head in the sand put of a park, but since in this world you here about dangerous incidents nowadays, it’s is not something that is impossible to accept. In that case I would probably quickly contact the police. But that severed head caused an extremely miraculous phenomenon.

It made eye contact with me.

I tried moving my head a bit to the side. The severed head’s eyeballs moved to match my movement. The sun has long since set and cicadas are calling out around me. A summer night, like a ghost story.

Let’s act like we never saw it.

That’s because a phenomenon that can never occur in reality cannot be real, which means the phenomenon in front of me is just a trick of light or a hallucination, and so I judged that dealing with something like that is just a waste of time. It’s not like I’m the type of person who never enters the haunted mansion at an amusement park, or the type to turn pale and cover my ears just because of my friends’ ghost stories, it’s definitely not related to that.

Anyway, in order to escape from the severed head, I tried to leave the park a fast pace. After all it’s just a severed head.  Thinking about it in terms of physics, there is no way it can move. In fact I pray that is true. I don’t want to hear opinions that it would be strange for a paranormal phenomenon to follow the laws of physics. I don’t really have the confidence in retaining my sanity in the one in a million chance of the head floating up and chasing me.

me too 

“Hey, you over there.”

hiiiiiiiiiiii

The severed head spoke. No, of course there is no way a severed head can speak, but for now I head a voice from behind me. It’s definitely a passer-by or some touter calling out to me. There is no need to respond to that.

just leave

“Eh, ignored? No, wait a bit. No joke, help me.”

I heard nothing

From behind came a voice that was more flustered than before.

Let’s act as if we never heard it.

Isn’t it an ancient saying not to listen to ghosts? We should respect our ancestor’s warning. In fact, is that really some kind of ghost? Maybe it’s from some criminal that got beheaded in the past. What a scary thing. Please hurry up and rest in peace. This severed head is definitely looking for people to accompany it on the way to hell. No, for a severed head that can’t move on it’s own, it might be looking for someone to carry it. But either way please excuse me. I will live a peaceful ordinary life.

the road to hell is to be travelled alone

“Uwah, I beg you……shit. You……err, I can see your black panties!”

DIE

At the point when I was one step from a peaceful ordinary life. Right before that, the one sentence the severed head said blew away my fear and various other emotions and I stopped.

thou hath sinned

“Ah, finally stopp……hii!”

repent

Since I didn’t looking at a mirror or anything I don’t know what expression I made as I slowly and deliberately turned back towards the severed head. I only saw that the severed head made an expression like running into a man-eating monster in the middle of the night.

interrmission


intermission

I tried to create a burial mound in the sand pit, but the severed head said, “I’m still alive!” and rejected my offer of a memorial service.

just accept

“What a stupid thing to say. When the existence is strange, the words are strange too. There is no way humans can continue living with just a head. Just be buried and rest in peace already.”

“Like I said I’m alive! I might be a situation where I’m bound in a foetal position and wrapped in a sleeping bag and then buried with just my head sticking out, but I’m alive!”

hmm

Hearing that, I stopped my hands for an instant. I see, this severed head, looking at the circumstances it doesn’t feel like a ghost. I can’t see any bit of transparency or the like that ghosts should have. It’s just an extremely unsightly face covered with sweat and sand.

but still

“Hmm, It seems you are really alive. In that case I will fix it.”

“Ooh, you finally got it.”

“Just be buried and die already.”

“It became worse!?”

thou hath sinned

I ignored Severed Head-san’s words with a smile and resolved to complete the burial mound, but in contrast to being just a head,it put up quite a stubborn resistance. With my efforts made in vain, it’s a shame but I had to give up.

When I stopped my hand, Severed Head-san’s whose face had become covered with sand begged, “Won’t you save me?”. It seems he has become like this after being buried in the sand pit, but estimating from the angle of the head, this person has been buried almost vertically. Even if it is in the foetal position, it should’ve been troublesome for those doing the burying too. Thinking of that effort, I can’t help but pity them.

let’s finish the job for them

“Hey, won’t you save me already?”

“Why should I?”

no reason

I tilted my head at Severed Head-san’s request. Severed Head-san’s expression became one of astonishment, but that is the one that is strange. To me, I cannot understand why Severed Head-san cannot understand why I won’t save him.

devil is back

“I will ask again. Why, must, I, save, Severed Head-san?”

“Eh, why……wait, Severed Head-san? Me?”

“Come on. Peeking under the skirt of a maiden who was passing by and moreover shouting out his thoughts about it, why must I save such a pervert?”

“No……well, think of it as human kindness……”

human kindness?

I snorted at Severed Head-san who had become flustered.

what a joke

“Human kindess. What an absurd thing to say. Perverts are not human. Wild beasts that have been consumed by their desires and forgotten their senses don’t even have the right to receive judgement.”

“They do! Even perverts are human! They have the right to receive judgement at least!”

no they aren’t…

Unfortunately, it is as Severed Head-san says.

but they will be judged guilty

“I’m sorry, I apologise for peeking at your underwear. But I was desperate to stop you somehow. And if it was a guy anyone would……uboh”

die

He started on some lame excuse so I threw sand on him. In fact I tried to bury him like that, but the opponent was quite desperate.

stop struggling and rest in peace

“Uwah, waitwait. I’m not asking you to dig me out. I just need you to help me make a phone call.”

to the morgue?

A tearful plea. It seems the main cause of these tears are from sand entering the eyes, so his heart hasn’t been moved.

But I have thought of something good. I took out my mobile from my pocket.

internet

“Yesyes……wait, hey, you. What are you doing?”

kachik kachik

Severed Head-san saw me activating the smartphone’s camera and his expression stiffened.

No, what I’m doing, well.

social media

“I’m just taking a picture of an extremely curious severed head.”

share for likes

At my words, the blood drained from Severed Head-san’s face. It’s becoming more and more like a real severed head.

When I happily tried to take a picture of that, he started shaking his head with a frantic expression. Mumu. Like this the picture will be blurred.

I gracefully gave up on taking a picture. Keeping the mobile in position, I just switched from camera mode to video.

intermission


intermission

As thanks for the video of an extremely curious severed head, I decided to help Severed Head-san.

that vid is worth $~

“For now is calling the police fine?”

“Wait. Why are you calling the police?”

because you are a criminal

In response to Severed Head-san who stopped me immediately, I just raised an eyebrow.

perverts are criminals

“Don’t you know? For the average virtuous citizen, there is something called an obligation to report. If you discover a pervert who gets off on being buried in a sand pit in a park and peeking at the underwear of innocent, frail girls night after night, you must push the 110 buttons.”

“That’s right, but I’m not that pervert! I’m the victim that got buried. That’s an over exaggeration!”

“haa, even now you refuse to recognise your own crime? Severed Head-san, if you keep being so conceited, as punishment I will upload the video I took just now to ni**dou.”

(T/N: niconicodouga prob)

“Please don’t do that!”

“Would twi**er be better?”

“It’s because of people like you that cyber bullying doesn’t disappear!”

facebook is best

A frantic Severed Head-san. Just looking at his half-crying state is quite pleasant.

s?

“Severed Head-san. As a Japanese man, please don’t show your tears so easily. It makes me instinctively want to bully you some more.”

“You are the worst S! You don’t have many friends right!”

is severed head-san m?

The half-crying Severed Head-chan counter attacked. That small-minded false accusation with no basis angered me.

 S can have friends

“What a stupid thing to say. What do you have as a basis for that. I am a gentle and modest Yamato Nadeshiko that helps others. My surroundings are full of friends that rely on me.”

“You’re kidding……About how many friends do you have?”

“Saying I have a hundred friends is not an exaggeration. No, it doesn’t stop at a hundred. I’m different from Severed Head-san who is vulgar and ruled by lust, the scope my virtues is not that of the average. My circle of apprentices has not only crossed the line of gender, but also seniors, juniors, classmates, teachers and principal. It comprises of the entire school.”

“Eh, for real?”

ofc

To the surprised Severed Head-san, I nodded as a matter of course.

cross my heart

“Of course, I’m for real. I repeat, but I’m different from Severed Head-san. It’s troubling if you treat me the same as you. And all of them say the same thing of their relationship with me.”

“Ooh, what kind of friendship?” (T?N: どんな友情の形だ! hlep”

“‘I do not want to make an enemy of you'”

“Empress!? Are you the ruler of the school!?”

“Of course. I will say it any number of time, but I am fundamentally different from Severed Head-san.”

headless empress

I nodded at the words of Severed Head-san who is shaking in horror.

In order to give him guidance, I addressed Severed Head-san.

enlightenment

“In the first place Severed Head-san, you do not have the correct attitude for making a request . With that kind of attitude, people won’t even think of accepting even your reasonable requests. As one who has risen to the summit of the school, I shall teach you the ways.”

“Kuh……! For some reason I can’t object. Th, then, teach me the ways of requesting!”

“First, grasp your opponent’s weakness.”

“Something like that from the very beginning. Isn’t that just blackmail camouflaged as a request! That’s why you became the empress!”

It’s not blackmail if you put it in a white envelope

How rude.

Even I, who has gentleness as my core, is a bit offended by what Severed Head-san said.

be more respectful when receiving enlightenment

“Hmph. The standing of Severed Head-san that crawls around the bottom of the hierarchy and me who is at the top is different. I forgot that there was a fundamental different. I was foolish for thinking a human can teach an earthworm courtesy.”

“An earthworm!?”

“Teaching Severed Head-san courtesy is impossible even in the realms of imagination. No matter how much of a foolish beast that is ruled by instincts and forgot reason that you are, I expected you to have about the intelligence of a puppy, but it was too rude to dogs”

“I wasn’t even seen as a human being from the start!”

“But even earthworms and crickets and pond skaters are alive. They are all friends. Shall I show you the extent of my generosity?”

grant me thine blessing o great god

As my benevolent spirit activated, I looked at Severed Head-san’s state and became unhappy.

arrogant bug

“……Severed Head-san. Isn’t your head high? It’s rude to my friends. Please apologise to earthworm-san.”

“I finally became lower than an earthworm!? Actually, my head is in a lower position than anyone else’s. How do you want me to lower it any further!”

“Didn’t I already say just be buried and die already.”

“It returned to the start!?”

and change from foetal to seiza

I’m satisfied after teasing for a while. This time let’s help him for real.

Severed Head-san, who has become sulky, said a certain telephone number in a gloomy tone. I nodded and keyed in the number, but when it finally came to calling it I felt a little frightened. Where does this call to? When I asked Severed Head-san, the answer was “My girlfriend’s place.”

he has one?

“To be dug out by a girl, isn’t it a little severe?”

relationship abuse

When I asked, Severed Head-san scowled with all his might.

not much

“In the first place, she is the one who buried me. Convincing my friends to help out too.” (T/N: The convincing part can be read as seducing if anyone prefers it that way~)

“……Hoh. You have a dangerous girlfriend. I want to try meeting her. I feel like we can get along well.”

“I will definitely stop you. If you guys joined hands, I feel like there would be a crisis to guys around the world.”

“Hm, in the first place why were you buried?”

apocalypse

When I asked, Severed Head-san averted his gaze as if there was something he was guilty of. Seeing that, ‘Ah, the reason is right here’ I thought as I comprehended it. For a guy to receive the wrath of a girl, there isn’t many reasons. As I wondered what it was, I tried asking about the first one that I thought of in a roundabout way.

social skills

“Severed Head-san, I have an opinion about male-female relationships, would you care to hear it?”

subtlety

Severed Head-san made a suspicious expression at the sudden change in topic but I ignored that and continued talking.

“Did you know? For Japanese people, the male to female ratio from ages sixteen to sixty five is four to six. This means even if everyone within this age range is dating or possibly married, no matter what there would be two-tenths of the population, or in terms of numbers, there would be tens of thousands poor lonely guys during the Christmas or Valentine period. Sadly there is no solution and nothing that can be done about this.”

“That strangely doesn’t feel like a talk about romance.”

it’s science

I explained clearly but it seems Severed Head-san is bad at understanding and just tilts his head as he is unable to grasp what I’m trying to say.

oh god

“Well, please listen for now. Severed Head-san is lucky and has a girlfriend. In the future there will be many things. You might be looking forward to those things.

But a male-female relationship is essentially a guy and girl, one-on-one thing. This cannot become something like one-on-one-on-one. If it was a guy-girl-guy relationship it might be fine. That’s because there are extra guys. Like this, the number of sad guys will be reduced by one, so in a way it can be said to be human kindness. As long as it is not exposed, it’s fine. Even then it is a period where being able to give up is a virtue for guys, so even if it is exposed it won’t become a big deal. Generally the girl in the middle can resolve the situation well. The situation is resolved relatively peacefully most of the time. Well, there is a bad aftertaste for both parties though.

But what if this was girl-guy-girl? This is not acceptable. Imagine if this relationship was exposed to the surroundings. The girls on both sides will get mad and blame the guy and then glare at each other with the guy caught in the middle. Firstly they won’t give up. It might be fine if the guy in the middle has the resourcefulness to deal with the situation, but unfortunately such examples are quite rare. Generally, it will become a cat fight and even if it calms down, girls are beings that hold grudges.

Also, the friends of that guy would probably be angry. Among a guy’s friends, there definitely will be one or two or three or even more who does not have a girlfriend. What would those people think when they see someone who is two-timing? ‘This bastard, even though there are extra guys, he’s two-timing! Reducing the number of girls and intending to increase the number of guys like us? Who do you think you are! Give one over! If you can’t do that, die!’ with thoughts like that the guys may become mad and beat up the guy. And so the guy’s girlfriends and friends get mad and collude, and then some strange severed head appears, what do you think Severed Head-san?”

so loooooooooong

I asked Severed Head-san as I ended my long speech, but Severed Head-san just kept endlessly sweating some strange sweat and didn’t answer my question. I sighed.

infidelity is bad

“Basically, guys who cheat should just die. Well in reality it changes according to person. Since changes of heart or whims cannot be stopped, unless it concerns me directly I won’t say anything about it. Okay. I will make the call now.”

“……Please”

Intermission


Intermission

I could judge that the girl who answered the number that I heard from Severed Head-san is a good person from her voice and tone, so I understood clearly that all the fault laid with Severed Head-san. For now it was decided that Severed Head-san would be dug out and that she would bring the manpower and so the talk was settled. I conveyed the gist of it to Severed Head-san and then since I had no duty to stay I went home. I don’t know what happened to Severed Head-san and his girlfriend afterwards.

I am currently in a certain respond eating with a guy I’m in a relationship in as I thought about this thing from the past.

 My encounter with that strange event is already from quite long ago. About Severed Head-san, I didn’t have that much interest and there is no way for me to investigate now. It left a deep impression but other than occasionally bringing it up as a joke, in truth I don’t really think about it that much.

What made me remember it from start to finish is because my boyfriend who is eating opposite me asked in a joking tone “If I cheated on you, what would you do?”

don’t, not on this person

“In that case–“

she is a devil

With the revived memory, I gave him a bright smile and answered without hesitation.

you will die

“–For now, I will bury you”

The end


Hecate’s TLDR: Thanks for reading~

Hecate’s long speech: I kind of did the prevous translations before exams to procrastinate studying to practice for Japanese exam and came back after exams and suddenly there are views and comments O.o gave me the motivation to translate the remaining 90%~ of this side story in one go. For those who are disappointed it’s such a short series, I agree with you ;-; I also wanted it to keep going. Well for those who liked it so much that they wanted it to continue I’m glad because the reason I decided to try translating this was because I loved it so much. And second for those who stuck through reading it all and didn’t think it was that bad, thank you~ I showed the first two chapters to a friend of mine and he told me it was hard to read etc and kinda gave me a major hit to my motivation which is why there is a long gap between chap 2 and chap 3. The comments revived my motivation~ Thank you, and now that I know this feeling of joy, I will try looking for another (longer) series that I want to share~ repeating TLDR, thanks for reading ❤

^basically how excited I was

Main

6 thoughts on “A day in the (previous) life of body-sama

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